It is true that in online social media I have those few friends who choose to go the extra mile in telling bits of their life. From a taste for tasteless but funny memes, to a few paragraphs from a book being written, to someone's personal struggles, to poetic spouting, to intricate word snapshots of the couples one is marrying that day. To be honest it is these people that keep me engaged in social media sites.
In any relationship, whether it is online or in person, you should always be aware of what and how much you are saying. You should understand the repercussions that can happen by giving too much information to the wrong person. And just like you don't talk smack about someone (like say your boss) where the wrong person might overhear, you should be aware that the same is true of the internet. Most sites on the internet are not private and you should never treat them like they are. You need to pay attention and monitor yourself. "Self-monitoring usually makes people more competent communicators because it enables them to see how their behavior fits or doesn’t fit in a given social setting" (Floyd, 27).
But how much is too much? You can read a lot out there saying how social media is not the place for such public disclosers. But I read part of a fascinating article by Alex Lambert who made a case for "public" intimacy. For getting away from the constrained view where intimate relationships only existed in the home or family sphere, and take it back to Aristotle's ethics where intimacy becomes part of your civic interaction, "because a civic order, a “city”, is above all a network of friends" (Lambert 28). I think there is a lot of truth in this statement.
I personally function best with general reciprocity, that is giving with no expectation of an equal or immediate return (which in American culture you supposedly find in families and not much elsewhere). So I post the types of things I would like to know. I will often post short snippets of my day, things I made or did, or bits of philosophical questions. But I am always asking questions about my online posts. Will I be upset if some unknown person finds this out? Will this come back to bite me? Only you can answer these questions for yourself, and yes sometimes you will get it wrong. But that happens in any friendship. And ultimately you have to make the decisions of what parts of your life you will tell.
References:
- Floyd, Kory. Interpersonal Communication. McGraw-Hill Education, 2012.
- Lambert, Alex. Intimacy and Friendship on Facebook. Macmillan Publishers, 2013.
2 comments:
People with active profiles who post constantly are what keep these sites going. It is entertaining sometimes or it's like a car wreck that you just can't look away from. These profiles are far more interesting than profiles like mine which isn't very exciting. You can just sit back and watch someone's life unfold right in front of your eyes as you scroll down their page and see their posts everyday. Sometimes the things they do and say don't look so great but there is always someone who shares their views and encourages them which in turn makes it seem like there is nothing wrong with their behavior or that they haven't over shared.
I completely agree with the need to be conscientious and wise with what we share, with whom, and about what/whom. In the navy we had a phrase "loose lips sink ships". I think that that applies to not only a fleet, but also the ship of our lives, or the lives of others. Too often we say or share things about ourselves that are so personal, we are in danger of negatively affecting our lives, whether through identity theft, crime, relationships, or work. We may also cross the line and share information we learned from others that was meant to be kept private, and jeopardize or relationship with that person.
At the end of the day, your final sentences we're very wise. " I am always asking questions about my online posts. Will I be upset if some unknown person finds this out? Will this come back to bite me? Only you can answer these questions for yourself, and yes sometimes you will get it wrong. But that happens in any friendship. And ultimately you have to make the decisions of what parts of your life you will tell."
Thanks for the awesome thoughts!
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